There are remarks we hear when we are in distress, such as a loss of a loved one. Some are encouraging and likewise, discouraging. It is a time that people who are close to us want to express their show of care and sometimes hate, to us. They even teach us how to respond to grief, owing to the fact that the death of a beloved is a tumultuous experience.
As the news of the death of Alhaji Umaru Shinkafi, an ex-presidential aspirant filtered into the air on July 6 this year, many tributes have been sent. Unique and encouraging among the tributes was the one by a former Governor of Abia State, Dr. Orji Uzor Kalu that was published in different media portals across Nigeria and, around the world.
In the condolence message by Kalu that was signed by one of his aides, he said: “The demise of Alhaji Umaru Shinkafi is a huge loss to the nation, considering his contributions to the social, economic and political development of Nigeria. Having served in different capacities, especially in the public sector, he died at a time his counsel on national issues is most needed… The memories of the late police officer will linger forever in the minds of many in the society.”
The glaring truth today is that we shall see Shinkafi no more and it is a great lesson to the living to begin to count his or her ways on what he or she shall be remembered of when on such a journey as Shinkafi’s. Kalu’s tribute has reminded us once again that death is inevitable. We know that this must come but the death of a beloved one splinters us to a larger emotional degree. We feel helpless, pain and worry.
The irony is that after some time of these feelings, we return to our old life and often throw away lessons that the death had deposited in us. There is no gainsaying the fact that grieving our loss helps us build a life after. Many of us know that grieving is necessary just as it is painful. While we go forward after that, enjoying life, we do not take into cognizance that we have to correct our ways for a day like Shinkafi’s.
Many of us perhaps knew what a Patricia Johnson said in “Part of the Coping With Death and Grief Series” thus: In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief,” which represent feelings of those who have faced death and tragedy. Based on her years of working with terminal cancer patients, Kübler-Ross proposed the following pattern of phases many people experience: Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.” Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?” Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will.” Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.” Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”
We feel all of the above and yet, learn little. Juxtaposing to that, on January 14, 2012, I read an article on Forbes by a Panos Mourdoukoutas, titled, “The Ten Golden Rules on Living the Good Life.” Mourdoukoutas who said that he covered global markets, business and investment strategy, asked, “What is good life? What is happiness? What is success? What is pleasure? How should I treat other people? How should I cope with unfortunate events? How can I get rid off unnecessary worry? How should I handle liberty?”
Referring to mankind, Mourdoukoutas replied that the answers to all these questions are reduced in a modest book – The Ten Golden Rules – he co-authored with Michael Soupios, saying: Examine life, engage life with vengeance; always search for new pleasures and new destines to reach with your mind. This rule isn’t new. It echoes the verses of ancient Greek philosophers and most notably those of Plato through the voice of his hero, Socrates. Living life is about examining life through reason, nature’s greatest gift to humanity. The importance of reason in sensing and examining life is evident in all phases of life– from the infant who strains to explore its new surroundings to the grandparent who actively reads and assesses the headlines of the daily paper. Reason lets human beings participate in life, to be human is to think, appraise, and explore the world, discovering new sources of material and spiritual pleasure.
I must say that our responses to loss are good but it will be better when we apply the good lessons we have learnt from our loss. It is sad that we are living in a country where the governments at all levels only pay lip service to the deceased and after that the symptoms from the person are forgotten, like the person goes beyond, forever. The government cares less about its citizens alive and dead – physically, emotionally and spiritually. The practical guidelines to relieve the route ought not to always be about tributes but also, encouraging the citizens through taking care of them – spending time with them and reaching out to them – with human-oriented policies.
Conversely, those close to Kalu have said that he always reach out to his sphere of followers. He is apart. His tribute has reminded some of us that times are actually passing when persons parent their children to succeed them even from the grave, but patterning a lifestyle that the world we have left will remember us of is the fad.
Odimegwu Onwumere is award-winning journalist; he writes from Rivers State. Tel: +2348032552855. Email: apoet_25@yahoo.com
